MIKEY SMITH: 13 unhinged moments from Donald Trump's golfing holiday in Scotland

Boris Johnson once said that the only reason he wouldn't go to some parts of New York was that there was "a real risk of meeting Donald Trump."

Well, we're happy to announce that it's safe to return to Scotland.

Not that there was much of a risk of the public of bumping into the US President.

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Everywhere he went, there was an enormous exclusion zone and literally thousands of Police officers protecting him from, you know, people.

He managed to get in at least three round of golf, on two courses, ferried around variously on Air Force One, Marine One and 24-car and 27 golf cart motorcades.

Now that he's gone, let's take a look back at the most unhinged moments from Trumpworld's weekend in Scotland.

1. Scotland wasn't entirely happy to see him

Although the huge police presence deterred protesters from demonstrating outside his golf courses, huge rallies were held in Edinburgh and Aberdeen.

Banners bearing the slogans "Scotland hates Trump" and "Not wanted here, not wanted anywhere" were raised by protesters.

A lone protester braved the exclusion zone to protest outside Turnberry, brandishing a photograph of Trump with Jeffrey Epstein.

Speaking of which.

2. Even after fleeing the country, he couldn't escape f rom Jeffrey Epstein

Trump came to Scotland amid growing anger among his supporters over the Jeffrey Epstein scandal.

Even in Scotland he couldn't escape questions about the scandal - and was hit with questions about the notorious dead paedophile on almost every day of his trip.

3. He said he'd 'never had the privilege' to Epstein's paedophile island

Donald Trump is not well known for having an elegant turn of phrase.

But he might just have hit a new low with saying he had "never had the privilege" of visiting Jeffrey Epstein's sex trafficking island.

He quickly added that he had never actually been invited to the paedophile's paradise.

Addressing claims that he was behind a birthday note to Epstein featuring a drawing of a naked woman, Trump said: "I don't do drawings. I'm not a drawing person."

He did however accept that he had, on occasion, made drawings of buildings to donate to charity.

4. And he explained the real reason he fell out with Epstein

Asked why his relationship with Epstein broke down, Trump indicated they had fallen out because America's most notorious dead paedophile had poached workers from him.

"For years I wouldn't talk to Jeffrey Epstein," he said. "He did something that was inappropriate. He hired help and I said don't ever do that again. He stole people that worked for me."

This seems to be new information - it had previously been reported that Trump and Epstein fell out over a property deal.

It may be entirely unrelated, but Epstein's most well-known victim, Virginia Giuffre, then 16, was working for Donald Trump at Mar A Lago in 2000 when she was recruited by Maxwell to be a “masseuse” for Epstein.

5. These Brits were very glad to see him

There was no sign of anti-Trump protesters outside the golf course this morning - three British Trump fans were out on the hill next to Turnberry.

They wore Make America Great Again hats, waved small US flags and held a sign that read "Don't trust Starmer".

Trump waved and blew a kiss towards the fans before he took his shot.

Tom English, one of the group who had travelled from Blackburn, said: "I can't believe we're the only ones, to be fair. I thought there'd be more people."

Asked why he'd travelled so far to support the leader of another country, Mr English said: "I've just loved him from day one when he ran. I like the way he speaks, his personality, the comedy gold he comes out with.

"He had me at Rosie O'Donnell to be honest with you."

Ms O'Donnell has been the target of a long running campaign of abuse by Trump, who earlier this month threatened to revoke her citizenship.

"I've supported him all the way through. It's just because he'a not one of them, basically. He came in, said he's going to drain the swamp, end the deep state and that's what he's trying to do."

6. He was drowned out by a bagpiper for a very long time

Keir Starmer and wife Victoria were greeted by President Trump on the steps of Turnberry's luxury hotel, accompanied by a very loud bagpiper playing traditional Scots music.

Unfortunately the bagpiper didn't stop playing when the President turned to waiting reporters to take some questions.

As a result, much of what was said was drowned out by said piper.

One thing that we did more or less hear was Trump saying Mrs Starmer - whom he described as Mr Starmer's "First Lady" - was "very respected across the United States."

7. He said he might try some whisky...which would be weird for him

Asked whether he would do a deal to reduce tariffs on Scotch Whiskey imports into the US, he said he didn't know it was an issue.

"I don't drink whisky," the famously teetotal President said. "Maybe I'll have some whisky."

8. He complained that people were insufficiently grateful for him sending aid to Gaza. A lot.

It's hard to look at TV footage coming out of Gaza and not feel angry.

Trump feels angry about Gaza too, but for a different reason.

"We gave $60 million two weeks ago and nobody even acknowledged it, for food," he said during a presser with European Commission President Ursula Von der Leyen.

"And it's terrible. You know, you really at least want to have somebody say thankyou. No other country gave anything. We gave $60 million two weeks ago for food for Gaza and nobody acknowledged it."

He went on: "And nobody said 'Gee, thankyou very much'. And that would be nice, to have at least a thankyou."

So incensed was he at the lack of gratitude shown by...Gaza, or the international community I guess... that he brought it up again when Keir Starmer turned up the following day.

9. He had a pop at Sadiq Khan - but London's mayor hit back

Keir Starmer was forced to interject as Trump reignited his long-running row with London Mayor Sadiq Khan.

Asked whether he would be visiting London during his state visit in September Trump said he didn't know.

But he took a shot at Mr Khan. "I'm not a fan of your mayor," he said. "I think he's done a terrible job. He's a nasty person."

Starmer leaned over to interject, saying: "He's a friend of mine."

London’s Labour mayor later hit back, with a spokesman saying: “Sadiq is delighted that President Trump wants to come to the greatest city in the world.

“He’d see how our diversity makes us stronger not weaker; richer, not poorer. Perhaps these are the reasons why a record number of Americans have applied for British citizenship under his Presidency.”

10. He cut Putin's deadline short by a month

Trump set a new deadline for Vladimir Putin to come to the table for ceasefire talks with Ukraine.

He'd originally given the Russian tyrant 50 days - which would expire on 2 or 3 September.

But upon meeting with Starmer on Monday, Trump said he would shorten the timeline to 10-12 days - which would make the deadline almost a month sooner, between 7-9 August.

"I'm not so interested in talking anymore," he said. "[Putin] talks - we have such nice conversations and such respectful and nice conversations and people die the following night with a missile going into a town."

He added: "We're going to do secondary sanctions, but maybe we'll make a deal. I don't know."

11. He nearly got upstaged by a wasp

The grand opening of Donald Trump's new Scottish golf course was very nearly overshadowed by a wasp.

Today, he was warming up on the driving range of Trump International Links Aberdeen, while invited guests, politicians and golfing legends waited for him to cut the ribbon on the new course he's had built.

But as he approached the tee, he began to jerk and wriggle, wafting his hands around his head in an erratic fashion.

Some of those observing him assumed he was just dancing. Perhaps to the music his team occasionally plays to shield him from shouted questions. Maybe just to the music in his head.

But no. His the source of his irritation, surely to be added to his incredibly long enemies list upon which he will surely have his revenge, was a simple Scottish wasp.

It's probably the closest I've come to identifying with him. Wasps are evil and should all be exterminated.

12. The security around him was obscene

The level of protection he's been given by the British state has been nothing short of extraordinary.

Thousands of police officers were supplied, some of them shipped in from elsewhere in the UK, at enormous cost to the British taxpayer, to ensure he could play golf in private.

Scottish police provided an exclusion zone around both of his courses that banned vehicles, pedestrians for miles from the gates - and even prohibited planes and drones from flying overhead.

13. Wait...what did I just see...

That caddy didn't just...do what I think he did, did he?